Have you ever felt left out as your friends share inside jokes? Someone you were once close to is now close to someone else. They interact with them the way you used to interact with them on a daily basis. It isn’t jealousy that twists you from inside – just a helplessness, as you can feel them slipping away. You have friends you are close to now, too. You have inside jokes, too. You keep secrets, too. So who are you to complain?
The reason behind this blog post is simple: an epiphany about shared life experiences and their effect on relationships. These relationships could be romantic or any other that you might maintain. This epiphany came at a time when I was writing a story, the crux of which I cannot reveal yet. The weight of it was crushing, but it also made me feel lighter, and relieved me of the what if thoughts that had been burning in the background of my multitasking mind.
Memories are something that brings two people closer. When you undergo something with another person, this experience bonds you together. It makes you identify with each other on a level that only the people involved can understand. It gives you something to talk about, something to build your conversations on, something to build your friendship/ relationship on. Shared life experiences are the Venn diagrams between the common traits in the people involved and the situation that these people find themselves in.
So as you spend time together, accumulating these shared life experiences as days go by, you grow closer to each other, the bonds between you grow stronger, and comfort levels shoot up to incredible heights. You know you can do anything and say anything and that person will jump right in with you.
On the other hand, as you begin spending less and less time together, your shared life experiences grow lesser in number. The ones that you already have are so far back into the past that they are now outdated. New memories and new life experiences come into existence with every passing moment and you realize that you miss being a part of that. But then, you also realize that you also have your own set of people with whom you make memories and inside jokes. It’s a two-way street. And you have no hold over it. It’s how the world functions. It’s how human beings function. And that is how many relationships fray.
It is natural that you rue your absence from the memories of people you treasure the most. Even more so when the interaction becomes rare and stiff and is limited to a bare minimum. Forced interaction and making memories does not stay for long. So at a point where you find it too strenuous to be holding up the marquee all by yourself, just let go for a while. It is easier to reduce the emotional pressure of single-handedly trying to make new memories without any help from their end and failing miserably. Be comfortable with the relationships you have going in your life. Make your own inside jokes, and stop worrying about what if.
Many relationships with minimum or no shared life experiences do fray, but you don’t have to discard them. They are in your life for a reason. Even though they no longer put up with you, they did give you stunning memories that you’ll be able to look back upon and smile. Maybe one day you’ll have it all back again.
After all, the world runs on hope.
Picture Credit: theodysseyonline.com